everywhere and nowhere...

walking down the street. late for my internship. the cold london wind is blowing sharply between the buildings, onto my face, onto my skin and into bones where it settles, determined to keep me cold all day.
collar upturned. hands in pockets gripping onto spare change and bobby pins.
strange faces everywhere. people who remind me of someone, of no one.
a couple turns down my street, holding hands blissfully unaware of the cold. Their hands entwined together in warm flesh.
i ball my fists up, deep in my pockets. i clench my teeth as they draw near. they laugh. they stop to kiss and then continue on. feet away from me. with my thumb i touch the band of gold on my finger. seeking comfort. seeking a reminder. i twist and turn it around in circles as the happy couple draws near.
"you don't understand" i want to yell, looking at them, " i know what that's like. i have that too. it's just not here. he's just not here..."
but i am silent. i blink slowly. breathe slowly. they pass me, she catches my gaze and i silently pray she doesn't detect the hunger in these green eyes of mine.
on i go.
i finger the gold. the diamond. the promise. he is everywhere and nowhere and i am here in this cold city of brick and tea.