before the finish there is a start. before the end there has to be a beginning. there is a beginning. it starts right after you take a step into the beyond that lies before you. remember?
it started when you signed up for college classes your freshmen year. when you went to orientation. it started when you first noticed a guy hitting on you, as you stood twirling your hair, bitting your lip, wondering if all of college would be like this. it started with that tiny bit of confedence you got. started when you stood up straighter. before it ends, and it will end, there was countless walks to class, your hands deep in your pockets, music flowing into your ears as you avoided eye contact with other students. maybe you were an anti-social homeschool child. it started with all of those summer days spent with friends. tubbing down the river, laughing so hard you couldn't breathe. it started with the first time you saw your older sister cry and tried to imagine how love could be anything but detremental to the soul. it started with that fight you had with your parents about politics, the anger you felt at not being understood. maybe you didn't understand after all. it started with fittings, fashion shows and photo shoots. it started with staying up late sewing while your roomate tried not to hear the hum of the sewing machine. you watched late night tv alot. it started with your first bible study. the adult you found yourself becoming as you learned more about your God, your faith. as you learned that it was your own and not your parents faith that dwelled within you. it started when you talked to him for the first time. his voice was higher than you remembered. the first time you saw him walking up the sidewalk, his hands deep in his pockets. he was so hot. you couldn't believe why he was interested in you. it started when you saw him take that deep breath as he came closer. he was so nervous. it started with that first smile. the way you jumped into his arms and the way that he caught you, swinging you around so you felt like kid again. it was the way that his heart beat, so fast, as you laid your head on his chest. finally. finally.
and now it ends. one week until it ends. one week until it begins.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
oh dear. i am sorry dear blog, i haven't updated you in such a very long time. then again i suppose i'm not really a lazy girl... just a lazy blogger. life has been filled, filled, filled to the brim with packing and sewing, running and planning, crying and fighting, laughing and tanning. i am getting married in two weeks. i have packed 7 boxes of my life and have drunken so many cups of tea on the porch, trying to soak up these last few weeks at home. caleb is leaving tomorrow morning, driving 2,100 miles in his explorer filled with wine to see me. to marry me.
little heart. so filled. so empty. needy and strong. i want to marry him. i want to move away and start our lives together. but i hate leaving people. i hate hurting people by moving to far away land which is also known as california. i know i have to, i just wish it didn't hurt so much.
pictures are of... flowers, because they make me happy.lots of wooden a's i'm going to paint and use in the decor. my wedding shoes. my wedding necklace made by my talented little sisters. and finally flower girl dresses for cat and alya that i recently finished.
i'll try to update more often.