Tuesday, June 29, 2010

new dishes...new life.

tuesday morning. it will be hot today, so hot that i will stay inside most of the day with the AC on, but for now a cool morning breeze is keeping this little apartment cool. cool enough that i can still enjoy my morning cup of tea, in our new mugs. green and white. flowers and stripes. new dishes. new pillows. new set of pans. new husband. new life. i now live in california, the sunshine state, where people are, for the most part very chill and the weather is hot. hot. hot.
this week is our second full week here. husband has been going to work. i have been enjoying waking up to him putting on his uniform. soldier husband. i wake up and am kissed. i wake up and make sandwiches and pack them. i wake up and hug him, not wanting to let go, but at least these good-bye hugs only have to sustain me until this evening when he gets home. boots dirty, face smiling, coming home to me, his wife. at least these good-byes don't have to last a month, or two, or three. thank you Jesus that that season of life is over for now! i use to be afraid, well more afraid than i am now about the prospect of saying those good-byes again, when he will have to leave me for a long time. i am still afraid, but not as much. i know
hat we are strong, and that Christ is stronger. that is what i cling to. until then...
i have been sketching a lot. it feels good to be creative again, like reading an old favorite or stretching a muscle that has been unused for a while. i am sketching, listening to music, my new obsession is "band of horses", and enjoying life. i am working out a lot, caleb and i are both encouraging each other to stay hot, and i am cooking, homemade pasta last night. which was amazing, chicken cooked in white wine, steamed peppers, thick noodles that are much harder to made than i thought. noodles are hard to make! i kept cutting them too fat, they look like big juicy worms. i'll have to practice and try again. yes, noodles are hard to make and so is the adjustment to living 2,000 miles away from "home", but i am learning. i am loved. no more good-byes for now, so i am happy. oh yes! so very happy, even though it's hot.

Monday, June 28, 2010

rings of gold

Drops of warm summer rain bouncing off green open leaves mimicked the smiling guest faces that were covered in drops of rain and the occasional tears. Puddles of watery mud covered the ground, covered the path, and covered the hem of my white silk dress. The path ended as we neared the rows of chairs, my father whispering in my ear, my heart beating and my head swimming with the scene before me. So many people, so many faces, eyes falling on the two of us as we walked out of the rain and into the airy tent. Light from so many paper lanterns cast a warm glow on the guests, who smiled with anticipation. There we were, my father and I standing before the crowd of people. Yet while we walked up the aisle, people rising around us looking at us, I saw only one person. Through the lace veil my mom had made I saw him. My love. My boy. My Caleb. Our eyes met and I couldn’t stop smiling. He was so perfect. Light gray suit, black tie and those piercing pencil colored eyes, looking at me, looking through me as they always had. There he was, the person I had been waiting for, the person I had been saving myself for. Before me, smiling that smile I knew so well stood my best friend, my lover.

Then my veil was being lifted up, a kiss on the cheek from my Dad. I hugged him tight and whispered “I love you Daddy”. I had to tell him to put the lace back over my face, causing the crowd to laugh, before he took Caleb’s hand. With that handshake my Dad gave me away. He gave his little girl to her love, and stepped back. Caleb grasped my hands tight as we stood there before family, friends and our God. My heart was beating so fast, my eyes kept scanning his face, trying to take in the moment. “Hey” he mouthed as we stood there, “Hey” I replied silently as our pastor spoke about love and commitment. I vaguely remember repeating our vows, trying not to cry as Caleb told me he would love me, take care of me, as I vowed to honor him and love him till death parted us. Then I was given the cold ring and looking into his shinning eyes slid the band of gold onto his warm finger. I thought I would break down right then and there as he stood before me, rings gleaming on our fingers. Thoughts ran through my head as I looked at him. How had this day arrived already? Was time moving faster than it normally did? My head was spinning, but it along with my heart stopped as our pastor announced us and told Caleb to kiss me, his bride. Through the lace I saw his shaking hands, saw his fingers grasp the veil and lift it. Then I straightened, Caleb’s hand was on my face as he lifted my chin up. And we kissed. Husband and wife, we kissed. Peace flooded me in that moment. Time stood still. Finally we were together, no more good-byes, we were together. In that moment all was still, all was silent and I was no longer a bride, no longer stressed and full of anxiety. I was simply Bekah, a girl, a woman, kissing Caleb, a boy, my man. We were married. Pulling away from each other we were met with applause from those we loved and hand in hand we walked out, out into the rain, into the rest of our lives.