Wednesday, January 26, 2011

this word called love...

Deeper than deep and further than I thought possible, this love in my heart grows.
Heartstrings pull and stretch. They grow from new found use. They are stronger than before. For this love in my heart grows.
We thought we knew the word, that great word that is spoken in soft whispers, in joyful shouts. We thought we knew the meaning, the feeling. But we were only children, still we are children. Children who are learning, who are growing. Growth that echos the deepening understanding of this word called love. I thought I knew this word, I thought I knew this boy. How much we have learned. How much has my understanding of this man grown. This man who holds my heart, my hand. Heartstrings pull, heartstrings ache. How could we hurt this much? How could pain be so beautiful? For it makes us understand that word, the elusive word called love that the world searches for. The pain heals, the heart grows and your hand fits even more perfect in mine with each struggle. With each struggle. Deeper than deep and further than I thought possible, this love in my heart grows.

Friday, January 7, 2011

as the dust settles...

we are home.
christmas was a whirlwind of snow, late nights, laughs, adventures and seeing dear friends and family. we were in wisconsin for a whole 9 days, including travel days, and still i feel like we weren't there long enough. so many people still to see, so many places to reminisce. i wish we could have stayed longer, much, much longer. yet, i am happy to be back, happy to be here in our little apartment with our little routine.
there were a few days in the middle of our stay in wisconsin in which i felt splintered, very splintered. driving through menomonie on our way to meet with friends my heart hurt. i didn't realize how much i missed that little college town until i came back. i felt like i should stay there and caleb should leave. i felt like i needed to go back to where i was. but i can't and i realized, as i talked to friends, that i didn't want to. i have changed, they haven't and i can't go back now. so i smiled, imagining college bekah walking those cold wisconsin streets, as we drove away.
new years eve was a beautiful intimate night spent with my love at "saffron", an amazing restaurant in minneapolis. we got dressed up and sipped wine and ate 6 courses of delicious food served by my amazing brother-in-law, who works there. just before midnight we talked about the coming year, about the trials and changes that will come. i realized as i looked at my husband that this year he will go, be it national guard or active, he will be deployed. we will be apart once again. sometimes i don't think i will be strong enough, sometimes i don't want to be. but life is just that... life. it ebbs and flows even if we don't want it to. change will come and it will test us and shape us into stronger better people.
at midnight we kissed, while snow fell outside and coldplay sang about yellow. it was an amazing night.