sip. breathe. blog.

sip. hot chocolate. sweet guitar music floating out of my computer. sip. fingers running over keys. pause. thinking. melodies twist and wind together. sip.

sorry about my last post. i guess can be sad sometimes. i guess i am sometimes. sometimes it's hard being here. being so far away from him.

i saw three couples kiss today. deep breath. i am here for a reason.

sip.

this morning i went to notting hill for a prayer brunch with some ladies from church. the flat where we met was brick and small but the windows were huge and the rare english sun made a gorgeous appearance today. it was beautiful streaking into the windows as we prayed for london and drank tea. it was a good morning, a lift that i needed.

sip. pause. cracks neck.

afterwards i walked through kensington gardens. i saw the peter pan statue and thought of my little sisters. i saw a little boy walking with his mum along the fence line, running his fingers along the bars as they went. i smiled and wanted to outstretch my hand and do the same, feeling the cold metal under my skin, but i didn't. i kept walking on to the v&a where i walked through exhibits on fashion, asian art, pottery, and jewelry. i was quiet, one ear bud in, listening to simon and garfunkel talk about america. i felt small as i looked at the amazing fashions dating back to the 16th century. i felt like i didn't have much to offer this industry in terms of creativity and skill. then again, there is nothing new under the sun is there?

the tube ride home was long and i was tired. i realized as i got out at mornington cresent, my little tube stop, that this city smells... like a city. i'm sort of tired of it. all the smells of bodies and brick, take out food and smoke. i want to go out in the back pasture at home and smell the wind, smell spring creeping back into the ground.

stop. scratches neck. wriggles toes impatiently. another sip.

i am here though. i love it and hate it.

while i was walking home today it occurred to me why i am here right now. i think i've come to london not only to learn how to drape, not only to think and write silly things in journals and on blogs. but i think i'm here to go to prayer meetings and do devos alone at my desk. i think i'm here to pray with the people here for london, for a great work in the church as a whole, in our lives. i am here to grow closer to my God before going home and marrying the man i love. i smiled when i realized this and laughed. God had to take me 5,000 miles away from my fiance to really get a hold of me and i am so grateful.

sip. smile. reread post. nod.

good night london.

everywhere and nowhere...

walking down the street. late for my internship. the cold london wind is blowing sharply between the buildings, onto my face, onto my skin and into bones where it settles, determined to keep me cold all day.
collar upturned. hands in pockets gripping onto spare change and bobby pins.
strange faces everywhere. people who remind me of someone, of no one.
a couple turns down my street, holding hands blissfully unaware of the cold. Their hands entwined together in warm flesh.
i ball my fists up, deep in my pockets. i clench my teeth as they draw near. they laugh. they stop to kiss and then continue on. feet away from me. with my thumb i touch the band of gold on my finger. seeking comfort. seeking a reminder. i twist and turn it around in circles as the happy couple draws near.
"you don't understand" i want to yell, looking at them, " i know what that's like. i have that too. it's just not here. he's just not here..."
but i am silent. i blink slowly. breathe slowly. they pass me, she catches my gaze and i silently pray she doesn't detect the hunger in these green eyes of mine.
on i go.
i finger the gold. the diamond. the promise. he is everywhere and nowhere and i am here in this cold city of brick and tea.

a realization and a cold...

so busy and now sick.
*stops typing to sip cold-tea-that-tastes-gross and blow her nose.*
breathe.
it's strange that i've been here almost three weeks. strange that i live here and walk to school and take the bus home. strange that i'm surrounded by hundreds of people from all backgrounds constantly. it's strange how fast you get use to it. how fast i've grown accustomed to the pace of london, the grey of london. i didn't realize how normal this city had become until yesterday when i went with a few girls here to oxford for the day. it was so great to get out of london and bus into the country side and visit that historic place. the city of oxford is so very different from london. the streets are cleaner, the buildings are lighter colored, the people are less diverse. it was a beautiful place to visit. standing in the quad of a college that has been teaching young minds since the 1300s was so humbling. i felt small and yet inspired at the same time. tolkien studied there. carrol and lewis lived there. so much history so many stories of young people questing for knowledge. it was amazing.
when we were almost back into london later that night i felt...happy to be back. i loved visiting oxford and found it breathtaking but it was nice to roll into victoria station and take the tube to our little stop in camden town. i felt at home and very content to be here right now.
yes i miss home. yes i miss caleb. yes i want to speed up time until i am back in his arms in sunny california... but i can't. for right now i am here and am determined to live and learn as much as i can during this brief stay in this grey brick city that is becoming my own.
it was a good day.
plus i got an oxford t-shirt. hehe. can't help but be a tourist sometimes.
and now to finish this awful tea and take a nap and pray that i feel better by tomorrow.

Zoom.Zoom...

It's late dear friends. Actually it it's only 10:25pm but it feels much later. I am tired. Life is so busy here. Zoom. Zoom. From one part of my day to the next with multiple cups of tea in hand and music flowing into my ears to spur me onward. Today I was walking home listening to Simon and Garfunkel and feeling... a lot. I don't really know what that means but that is how I felt.

I went to the V&A with my class today. It was amazing. I saw works by Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael, Giambologna and so many more. We breezed though the fashion section due to lack of time which was a shame because...wow. My eyes were glazing over with happiness. I plan on going back in a few weeks to sit and write and sketch, really take in the museum and all of those pretty frocks. After class I hiked back to my flat which was a good 4.5 mile jont. Tired. It was a good day though.

This past weekend I went out with friends to Oxford street to buy nice things at places like TopShop and H&M. It was amazing but so crowded. There I was standing in TopShop in busy London, surrounded by so many trendy things, so many stylish shoppers and you know what? I kind of missed thrift store shopping with my little sisters in our small Midwestern town. It's just different here. Everyone is going, going, going, which is exciting but exhausting at the same time.

Tomorrow I am leaving early for my internship (my walk is about 3 miles) so that I can get a cuppa at a local shop sit. I need to sip tea quietly and read and write for a bit. Processing is good. I need it.

As for right now I am off to sleep.

Night London.

The new Medieval and Renaissance Galleries at the V&A.

little grunt girl...

i've been in london for one week now. wow. it's kind of crazy to be here after thinking about and planning this stage in my life for so many years. it makes me feel old and young at the same time. life is flying by and pretty soon it will be june and i will be married and driving back to that sunny place with him. but for now...
i started my internship yesterday. i am working for a lovely designer named julia smith( www.juliasmithfashion.co.uk ). i have to say i was pretty nervous standing outside her little boutique, my map in hand and snow patrol in my ears trying to calm me, but it turns out that both julia and joanne(a shoe designer who shares the space) are super nice and laid back. (thanks God!). joanne won a design contest with jimmy choo a few years ago so she is amazingly talented. apparently jimmy's shop is just around the corner and he comes into the shop every now and again. "you'll probably meet him!" joanne said to my quickly beating heart. meet jimmy?!? choo?!?! i am a small town girl. oh yes i am.
julia has worked for top shop and a few other major designers before opening her own shop and label. she travels to ghana a few times a year to meet with the village where her clothing is made. so amazing.
sadly i am a lowly intern right now. little grunt girl. my day was filled with pinning patterns, cutting fabric and running errands. smile. but i loved every minute! except when i got stuck in the tube doors. haha. at least i didn't die. got to be more careful!
today was filled with class, tea, skyping caleb, research, walking, bus rides, groceries and finally bed. good night from london!
-bek
p.s outfit i wore today

maybe i am lame...

well... well...

monday. nothing like a grey monday to start your week eh? thank the lord for yorkshire gold tea. i had my museums class today. it was amazing! i don't know how some people don't like museums or art... i literally walked though this musuem with my mouth partly open, my eyes wide. wow. nothing like seeing a real Rembrandt to cheer up your monday or make me feel like more of the small town girl that i am. in any case i am looking forward to more museums...

i was asked to go out for drinks by some girls tonight who are actually from my school at home. but... i declined. maybe i am lame but i didn't feel good and honestly was looking forward to staying in not to mention the fact that it's so cold out(but in my defense i did go out to my first pub earlier this week and was the only one in the group to be hit on by a british bloke. ha! i'll be holding my left hand out a little higher next time i guess)!

so my evening was spent drinking tea, eating chocolate listening to ani difranco all while sifting through british vogue. c'est la vie. i enjoyed myself. now i need to do a bit of research for my upcoming design project that we are starting on friday for my draping class.

oh london. i am happy here. although i miss a certain coast and a certain fiance who lives by it. doesn't really help that while i was looking in a bookshop this afternoon there was a random diary that was SF themed. literally i see that boy everywhere i go. i suppose it is good that i am going to marry him then... yes. very good.

night world.

-bek

London

Honestly I don't even know where to begin.
There. Hows that for a strong opening statement?
*sips tea and stares at what she has written* *sigh*
Oh well. Here I go...
I arrived in London on Wednesday morning. It was insane. After getting my luggage, paying way too much for a taxi and being harassed by some cranky British man, I made it do my flat in Camden Town. "Ah Camden Town. The weird and the wonderful live in Camden." which is a direct quote from my taxi driver. Camden Town is like Market Street in SF or Uptown in Minneapolis except on speed and painted grey. Everything is grey here from the sky to the clothing.
I did find color today though after exploring Camden market, Inverness market and Stables market. These were filled with neon, tattoos, lace, smoke, yells, tourists, locals and fish and chips (which I had for lunch).
I think I like London. It feels different than any other city I've been in. One thing I love is how diverse it is. The vibe of Camden Town is a completely different from that of Marylebone, where I go to school or Bayswater, where I am interning and those are all in the West End! There is so much to do and see here. It seems like there are tea shops on almost every corner, which is heaven to me, and when you walk down the street you see people from all backgrounds and hear so many different languages and accents. I love it. Although when I was in a tea shop the other day the song "Use Somebody" by Kings of Lyon came on and all the sudden I missed home. I suppose that is going to happen a lot. I am a stranger here, both to this city and the people around me. But I am happy. I am up for the challenge.
*sips more tea*
I'll post more pictures tomorrow.
night world.