sorry about my last post. i guess can be sad sometimes. i guess i am sometimes. sometimes it's hard being here. being so far away from him.
i saw three couples kiss today. deep breath. i am here for a reason.
this morning i went to notting hill for a prayer brunch with some ladies from church. the flat where we met was brick and small but the windows were huge and the rare english sun made a gorgeous appearance today. it was beautiful streaking into the windows as we prayed for london and drank tea. it was a good morning, a lift that i needed.
sip. pause. cracks neck.
afterwards i walked through kensington gardens. i saw the peter pan statue and thought of my little sisters. i saw a little boy walking with his mum along the fence line, running his fingers along the bars as they went. i smiled and wanted to outstretch my hand and do the same, feeling the cold metal under my skin, but i didn't. i kept walking on to the v&a where i walked through exhibits on fashion, asian art, pottery, and jewelry. i was quiet, one ear bud in, listening to simon and garfunkel talk about america. i felt small as i looked at the amazing fashions dating back to the 16th century. i felt like i didn't have much to offer this industry in terms of creativity and skill. then again, there is nothing new under the sun is there?
the tube ride home was long and i was tired. i realized as i got out at mornington cresent, my little tube stop, that this city smells... like a city. i'm sort of tired of it. all the smells of bodies and brick, take out food and smoke. i want to go out in the back pasture at home and smell the wind, smell spring creeping back into the ground.
stop. scratches neck. wriggles toes impatiently. another sip.
i am here though. i love it and hate it.
while i was walking home today it occurred to me why i am here right now. i think i've come to london not only to learn how to drape, not only to think and write silly things in journals and on blogs. but i think i'm here to go to prayer meetings and do devos alone at my desk. i think i'm here to pray with the people here for london, for a great work in the church as a whole, in our lives. i am here to grow closer to my God before going home and marrying the man i love. i smiled when i realized this and laughed. God had to take me 5,000 miles away from my fiance to really get a hold of me and i am so grateful.
sip. smile. reread post. nod.
good night london.