Wednesday, October 21, 2009

in my arms...

"here my dear, this is where we'll shake the nightmare free. i dream to hold you in my arms. i dream to hold you in arms, to hold you in my arms. wide awake in my arms."

that song has been stuck in my head all day. whether it's the rain that's been pouring all day, homework, stress or head ache due to lack of caffeine or something i miss caleb a lot todeay. yes. i do. i like this song because it makes me think of him. i just want to be there and have him hold me. 33 days.
i'm quite tired. my desk, where my lap top is sitting, is covered with an array of items including...
-steaming cup of mint tea.
-half eaten apple.
water bottle.
-transcripts to send to SFSU this week.
-and lots of pins.
i'm in the middle of a big project for school. our assignment was to buy $20 or less of clothing at good will and remake them into something sweet. i like my progress so far... turquoise wool, black and grey suiting which i have pleated and inserted sweet shoulder pads and some cut outs. pretty amazing... i just hope i can finish it and better yet i hope my teacher thinks it's just as amazing. in my other apparel class today we got scolded(don't you love that word?) by our teacher for not pushing ourselves enough. i got a 83% on our first project and i guess it's one of the higher grades. oh life. oh school. oh God please help me finish well...
time to sew and drink tea and call my boy whom i love.

Monday, October 19, 2009

vegetables and mr. whitman

I've just finished a bowl of steaming vegetables and a fuzzy navel wine cooler. oh monday. i am tired. my fiance came out this weekend to visit. it was amazing to see him again after 17 days. in reality we didn't spend that much time apart compared to what we have done... compared to what we will have to do. that's right. i won't be seeing him until thanksgiving. 36 days. oh dear. oh God. the only way i can do this is by clinging to the fact that God has a plan...that we are not forgotten and that for whatever reason caleb and i are separated right now that reason is not foreign to God. He knows all including what is best for both me and the man i love. so dear friends i am going to throw some laundry in, get ready for bed, enjoy a conversation via skype with my boy and continue onward. i leave you with this poem which i think is amazing...
Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
by: Mr. Whitman

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

rain. tea. ring. happiness.

tea always goes well with rain. i love curling up in a blanket with a steaming mug of fresh tea and a good book. i have just finished doing just that. now i'm trying to work up enough energy to pull out my pattern homework and put together a dress that is due tomorrow. oh life. rain also tends to bring out the creative side of me...either that or it brings out the sleepy side. haha. i guess we shall see how the day goes.
i am engaged. i'm not even sure if anyone reads this blog but i guess i thought i would let someone out there know. he asked me on the 26th when i went to visit him in san francisco. it was night and very cold. we drove to the palace of fine arts to have tea and talk after he picked me up from the airport. little did i know he had a whole evening planned. we did have tea and as i sat there, curled up in a blanket taking in the steaming aroma, the palace before me and my boyfriend looking up at me from where he sat, i felt very content. he reached up and kissed me, both of his hands on my face. as we kissed i felt one of his knees go up so that he was on just one, my heart jumped a little. then one of his hands left my face and reached into his jacket pocket. as he pulled away from the kiss his hand was outstretched with a red box sitting in it. he simply asked... "bekah. will you marry me?". i was speechless. i told him to take it out of the box. i started crying. i told him to put it on my finger. he took off my promise ring and slipped his ring on. white gold with a single diamond in the center. i started laughing and looking around, taking in the moment, ever once in a while saying "baby. really?". then i realized i hadn't answered his question yet. the poor boy! so i took a deep breath, put my hands on either side of his face, looked him in the eye and said "yes". then we kissed. he hugged me, swung me around. i kept crying and laughing and looking from him to the ring. bliss. i will be with him forever. then we drank champange that he brought and talked about the future until we were too tired and the park sprinklers began to go off.
and that is the story. now i am happy. now i am claimed. now i am here in this little wisconsin town, a ring on my finger while he is in california. 2,000 miles apart. but i love him still. i know that we are in this situation for a reason. we both need to grow more on our own before we come together. God has a plan and i trust him with it.
so now on to pattern homework and listening to the rain hit my bedroom window.