Tuesday, June 30, 2009

June 30th

currently inhaling...
1. tea
2. sufjan stevens3. balenciaga ready to wear fall 2009

4. san francisco

Thursday, June 18, 2009

June 18th

Pictures taken by our friend Emma in Monterey Bay a few weeks ago. We watched the sunset on a private beach...opps. It was so beautiful. I felt very content sitting there with Caleb enjoying God's creation. I felt very loved. I think I like this state... yes, I believe I do.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

June 17th

"And I know cause there she goes walking on my skin again and again". I love the band Counting Crows. Everything from their hit 90's hit Sulivan Street and this new song called When I dreamed of Michealagelo. So good. I don't know why but this song strikes a cord with me. This past weekend I drove down to Pismo Beach to visit some friends. We stayed at this amazing resort and walked down to the beach everyday. One afternoon I was standing in the lobby waiting for some beach towels when this song came on. I wanted to cry. It's so beautiful and sad and right away I missed Caleb so much. I don't know why music has such an impact on me but it does. It is a beautiful thing how we humans can communicate with one another through music, without words, simply sounds that may or may not strike a cord in someones soul. That sunny afternoon standing in that lobby this song spoke to me. athough the world is so messed up and I continually wonder how we can do such horrible things to eachother every once and a while we touch eachother. Whether it be through a song, the written word, a glance, a smile or a simple gesture such as opening a door for someone to walk through, we touch eachother. God how I hope that I've touched people for the better. That maybe through something I write or create with clothing, hopefully with the way I live this life I will be able to touch people for the better.
I hope so.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

June 11th

I decorated my room today. After making myself a cup of tea and putting on Pandora I sat cross legged on the floor and ripped out pages from vogue to tape on the wall. After finding ones that I liked I did just that. Scotch tape and everything. I also took one of the many scarves that I brought along and pinned it to the wall above my bed so that I could pin pictures, sketches and other things on it. I reminded me of a picture I saw when I was little of my older sister when she was at Oxford. In the picture she was wearing a grey turtleneck sweater and jeans, sitting cross legged on her bed with books and notes scattered around her on the wall behind here was a huge piece of fabric pinned with pictures, notes and brochures from who knows where. Maybe that’s why I have always associated turtlenecks with college, writing and success.

Sometimes I feel like I am hiding the real me from them, from the world. If only they knew that the real me is scared to leave the house because I don’t have someone to go out with, or a map to tell me what to do first and what not to do. I surprise myself sometimes, surprised myself with how dependant I am. But then I turn around and do something crazy. Something like moving to California for a summer to be with a boy that I love but have only known for ten months and have only spend 28 days face to face. Yes I do surprise myself. But I suppose that is what happens sometimes. That is what has to happen when one is growing up, sorting through people’s opinions of me and plans which I should follow. I have to sort through them and decide what is going to be thrown out and what is going to stay and take up permanent residency in this fickle head of mine.
We shall see. We shall see.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

June 10th

So I am here. California. This is what I have been waiting for these past 7 months. Dang.
Short sentences generally indicate that I cannot hold onto one thought for very long and instead can only just grasp a few key ideas from my head and formulate them into words. Deep breath. Caleb is gone. I dropped him off yesterday morning at the National Guard place where he met up with his unit and started packing for his two week long training. They left this morning on a caravan of 10 trucks and hummers. It’s really strange that I am dating a guy in the military. I guess I always thought I would be with a fellow artist or doctor or something of that nature. I suppose that Caleb isn’t going to be in the army forever as he wants to be a philosophy professor after college. And being a teacher is a form of art but instead of spreading ideas and concerns with words and fabric it uses knowledge. I got here on the 1st, which seems like just yesterday. I guess when you have been waiting for something for so long a week goes by pretty fast.
I’m too tired to write anymore. Even though it’s only 4pm in the afternoon. I think I might be getting sick or something… I felt like I was going to faint today in church. I’ve been feeling tired all the time. Ah. I’m only 21. This is not good. Tea and sleep and maybe some vogue reading. I will write more tomorrow though… I’ve promised steve I will write a lot this summer. Sometimes I think he doesn’t think I will make it as a designer… maybe I did choose wrong. No. Now it’s just the lack of sleep talking. I love what I do and can’t wait to see where God takes me.