Friday, June 29, 2012


a few months ago, in the midst of the silence that was my winter, i decided that i wanted to be brave. one brave thing per day, something i wouldn't normally do. something that scared me. during the silence i did things like go for a run through town, even though i was afraid. sometimes, on very bad days, bravery was simply going outside to get the mail. sometimes it was standing up for what i believed in class, putting a smile on at work even though i was screaming inside. sometimes it was bring friendlier to those around me. 
once the winter was over, once spring came and my love came home the bravery changed. the new bravery looked more like telling my husband what i honestly thought, even if a fight followed. letting him kiss me in public. not being embarrassed when he picked me up while we were walking down the street. sometimes bravery was simply laughing with him, not caring what those around me might think.
and now.
now the silence is back, except now it is hot. hotter than california ever was because there is humidity here. now i must be brave again. i must go for long walks in the evening when it's finally cooled down, listening to music and not thinking. i must try new places, regardless of how lonely i might feel. i must be brave, so that when he is home, when the silence is replaced with laughter and tears, fights and cuddles we can be adventurers together. oh darling, lets be adventurers! 

Saturday, June 16, 2012


"ah home. let me come home. home is wherever i'm with you. ah home. let me come home. home is when i'm alone with you."
-edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros.
and on june 1st he did just that. he came home. so many days, weeks, months of waiting and then it was all over. my heart is whole. my arms are full. of course this isn't the end. our future holds more absences, more long nights alone, more skype dates. but for now he is here. for now i am here.
and we are home.