Tuesday, December 21, 2010

morning thoughts.

waking up.
kiss on the forehead.
gentle words.
blurred eyes, opening ever so slightly.
stumble/fumble out of bed, into the light, into his arms.
messy hair.
"hi baby".
smiles. another kiss.
ugg boots are on.
lunch is made.
the tea whistles and is soon poured.
all ready.
"wait! one last cuddle."
arms around me, burrowing my head into his chest.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

the stillness of the moment...

Pencil colored eyes pierce into swollen, tear stained green ones. Green eyes, swollen eyes connected to a swollen heart, which is, as always feeling too much. Conversations in your head trying to persuade you to believe the things you know aren't true. But still those pencil colored eyes are there, with their ever present stare of love and compassion. Brimming with love they see through me, into me, me the person who i am still getting to know. Arms that hold me, strength confined into a gentle embrace. Scratchy jaw and then soft lips on my forehead, soft words in my ears. How can love be this strong? How could love mean this much? When your whole heart is pulsating with it, with the idea, with the reality. Love that can span a country, an ocean and the walls that are around me. Accepting the love is the real trick of the trade that is this thing called marriage. Trying to imagine how you could be the object of that much affection. Trying to believe that love is a two way street. Blessed beyond measure, tear stained eyes close. Green eyes rest and breathe and listen. The quiet even breath emanating next to you calms the nervous, calms the fluttering heart, the ever thinking brain. Rest. Still. Let him hold you.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


my hands are cold. you would think that growing up in the frozen tundra of the midwest would have toughened my internal thermometer, but no. i am always cold. even with the heater on, even with uggs and a sweatshirt and it's only 45 degrees outside. oh help me. i am going to freeze when we go home for christmas.
home. christmas. wisconsin.
i am very excited to go home. very excited to see my family, my friends to breathe in the cold and smell the clean country air. very excited albeit nervous. yes nervous. you see i have been away for a while now, i cut my hair, my nails are almost always a bright turquoise now and i am married. i have been married for 6 months. i have changed. at least i think i have, i feel that i must have. with all of these changes, with so many break throughs, so much i have learned since that sunny day in june when we drove away. i feel like i must have changed. it's hard to tell when it's in yourself, when the change has been happening slowly, like fire licking quietly around the edges of paper. that's part of growing up though right? we change. we love and grow and fight and hurt and get hurt and change. it is good, this grown up change. even though it hurts sometimes more than words could express, it's good, it's needed. therefore i embrace you change. with these cold hands, i embrace you.