perfect.

source: pinterest

never forget.

i was there. you were there. we were there.

holding hands amongst the many streaming crowds of bustlings new yorkers.

we were there in that quiet peaceful tuesday morning.

and then the silence ended.

the screams began.

i was there. you were there. we were there.

when the towers fell. when a nation held its breath.

when the skies were covered in smoke and ash.

holding hands.

you began to fall.

i couldn't save you on that day.

i couldn't save any of the near 3,000 of you.

i watched you fall. my face white. my mind blank.

you are gone and i am here.

holding hands with nothing but air.

a blank hole in the heart of a city.

in the heart of this country.

i was there and you were there.

and we will never forget.

the next chapter...

It's been a long while since I have written here. Even now as I sit here, sun streaming into my quiet apartment, tea sitting beside me, I feel like a stranger to these keys, to this blog. It is now September, the beginning of my favorite season. I've always felt like September was more like January than January is. September means new books and the promise of another year.

Indeed new things are happening in our little household. As some of you know things have been a bit crazy with husband's job. We have been trying to move forward for quite some time and every time we get close something happens that sets us back again. September really is a time of new beginnings because on September 1st husband found out that the paperwork went through and he is leaving in January for training. The waiting has ended. The waiting has only begun. It's funny how the future can change the present. How I am changed, and we are changed because of this new direction. I have fallen asleep on his chest for the past week. Hearing his breath, feeling his skin. Trying to soak in every moment, every possible look, touch and feeling.

But we are strong. He will leave and I will stay. He will cry, and I will cry. But we are strong. It's moments like this that pull us closer together. It's the stretch, the last feating touch that will stay with us, that will keep us strong until we see each other again. But I am happy because I know that all things will work together. I am happy because I know the in spite of the tears and sorrow that this will bring it will also bring strength and a greater understanding for this love that binds us so closely.

So we continue on. We will laugh and cry and fight and love more fiercely than we knew possible. And that, I have come to realize is life. This beautiful and strange chain of events that we call life.

Growth.

We bought a few plants this past week. My husband is obsessed with plants, which is kind of ironic because I'm the one who grew up in the green farmland of the Midwest. In any case, we don't have any personal outside space in our new apartment, so our little plants sit, rather precariously, in the open window soaking up the summer sun. Grow little plants, grow! And don't fall please!

Happy Friday world!

bek

Our brave plants.

currently craving...

a latte from blue bottle in SF

an adventure by bike

This travel blog photo's source is TravelPod page: The Terrace

another trip to Paris, but this time on the arm of my love.

the seesaw...

My life has been a seesaw. I feel like a kid again sitting patiently on the wood, hands gripped tightly to the handle. I don't want to fall off. I wait and wait and try to imagine what it will be like to move up and down, hair flying around my shoulders, knuckles white from hanging on. I wait and wait. Hoping to speed up time I close my eyes, focusing on the feeling of the wood, the handle, the grass between my toes. When will we start? When do I get to move? Tired of waiting one squinty eye opens, slowly, carefully. I see blurry images, nothing is clear. I decide to get off, but just as my weight begins to shift, someone sits on the other end and I'm off! Feet in the air, lungs opened in a scream of surprise, excitement, anticipation. I am flying.

Life is a sometimes like this. We wait for the ride to start, give up because it doesn't start on our time and then are surprised when we start to fly.

Can't wait to see where I land.

-bekah

and we will...

My skin is still hot, radiating heat from the afternoon sun, the ever present sun in this little valley of ours. A cup of hot tea is beside me, even though it's sunny and warm outside, I need this honey colored liquid.

Last weekend we spent time with friends on the coast and then some time in San Francisco strolling through thrift stores and eating lunch at our favorite outside cafe. Even though we haven't lived in that bright city, I still feel a connection, a sense of ownership. Maybe it's because I associate that city with Caleb, with us. After all we have a lot of memories in that city, everything from getting engaged, to fighting to kissing on every other street corner. It was nice to get away with my husband and walk through the vibrant city, our hands entwined. We talked about this next year. About how we probably aren't going in the direction we thought and therefore will be staying here. How he will leave in November for training, how we will move to Sac or SF in December, depending on where I get into school and how... how he will leave in January.

I felt a quiet, somber peace as I realized he will be gone sooner than I thought. I sipped lemon water and studied his face as we sat, soaking up the Spring sun. I love this man and he loves me. Right now we are together, but soon we won't and then we will have to be strong.

And we will be ok. We will.