separating...

Caleb is at drill. He left yesterday at 3pm and wasn't home until 12am. I was happy though because we weren't sure if he'd even get to come home for the night. Bright and early, 6am this morning, we drove to the armory and I dropped him off for the rest of the weekend.

Now here I am, sitting outside, drinking tea and wishing it was Sunday now.

This is where I laugh at myself, because I almost don't know how to function without him here, without hearing from him. I laugh because for almost the entire 18 months that he and I dated we were long distance, ranging from 2,000 to 5,000 miles apart. Now you would think that I would be good at this by now, at separating myself and being strong, but I'm not. I've lost the skill of letting go and still being ok because I wanted to lose it, I was done with it.

However, I married an army guy and therefore need to regain that skill again. Not that only army spouses deal with separation, thousands of couples do it all the time because they have to and they are freaking amazing.

In any case one weekend a month hasn't been so bad but for the past few months my husband and I have been researching and praying about delving deeper into the craziness of the army life. In short we are in the process of making some big changes and trying out for some really amazing opportunities. Which at the end of the day means that if things go as we hope they will Caleb and I will be spending the better part of the new year apart. Again. Will we ever spend a Valentines day together?

So this is what I need learn, this is what I need to do... Learn how to be ok again without him. I am going to stop being so ADHD and focus when he is gone. Not that I don't do anything while he isn't here (sales on Etsy, including custom orders, have never been higher), but I need to do something for myself every now and then. Slow down and read a book. Learn French. Make a really fabulous party dress. I guess what I'm saying is that I need to find some sort of balance because the future of being separated scares me more than I can say. Balance and love and faith.

-bekah