i love having a plan. i love maps, directions and lists. i love them. i also love feeling free, having the day to do whatever, deciding at the last minute to go somewhere, visit someone. I can be reckless but i like knowing what i will be reacklessly doing.
maybe that doesn't make sense.
in any case. we are now formulating new plans here at the adam's house. previous plan didn't pan out the way we thought. back to square one. my poor little body apparently doesn't like new plans or stress. tjm which continued into possible ear infection, muscle cramping in hips and shoulders, my body likes plans too i guess. my husband is amazing, so very amazing. rubbing lotion into my freaking out planless muscles as he calmly talked to me about our options and future.
"it scares me" i whisper.
"it doesn't have to baby. it will be ok. it IS ok. we are together and that what matters."
i sigh and snuggle in closer to his warmth.
"we are together." i sigh into his chest, "you, me and jesus."
"yes" he says, and i can hear the smile in his voice.
snuggle. snuggle. we are still, we are quiet
"but can we get a fish?" i ask all at once, "i think i want a fish".
"as long as we can call him francis."
we fall asleep.
there is a plan. there is. God has one that is bigger than we can possibly know. also we might get a fish... at least that's the plan.
-bekah
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