busy vs productive

it's easy to be busy, to fill our hours and days with activity after activity but it takes more thought and effort to be productive. i am learning this. i am also learning you can be productive and still have a relaxing day and you can also have a busy stressful day and get very little accomplished. if only it hadn't taken me four months to figure this out. mais, c'est la vie.

i am learning how to be productive without being stressed out. i am learning how to relax and not feel guilty about taking time to do so. relaxing is good. taking care of yourself is good. 

i am excited to see what else i am going to learn in these last weeks before life changes yet again. i am excited to see how the lessons learned during these four or so months are going to be used in my next stage of life. how i will use them to attack yet another "new life" that i will be meeting soon.

even though this has been difficult, watching the days turn into weeks turn into months and not being with my person, i am still here. i feel much stronger than i was on that winter day when he left. i have hurt a lot since there. my comforter can attest to the many sleepless nights we've spent together. mascara stains cover the once white fabric. yes. it has been hard and yet i am still here.

i am stronger because of it. i am deeper because of it. i love him more because of it and i respect myself in a whole other way.

and now. now we are but a few short weeks away from that moment where the day dreams become a reality and i can fully breathe again.

until then i will remain, tea in hand, productive.