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air is trapped in my lungs, suspended in the dark corners within my tight chest. i cannot breathe. i cannot. i cannot cry either, though my heart breaks, though my knees are pulled up to my chest, though my head rests in my hands. weary i rock, back and fourth, trying to find comfort in my own movements. pain shooting through my spine, up into my back, deep into my heart where it stays. my heart. oh my heart! how is it still beating? how have i not exploded into tiny little fragmented pieces, like shards of glass after a window is violently shattered. empty and yet brimming with emotion i am here, simply here, incapable of being or doing anything else. though here i am not really here. though alive, i am not quite solid. i am but a shadow of myself on cold concrete. please. please. i want to breathe again.