it started....

before the finish there is a start. before the end there has to be a beginning. there is a beginning. it starts right after you take a step into the beyond that lies before you. remember?

it started when you signed up for college classes your freshmen year. when you went to orientation. it started when you first noticed a guy hitting on you, as you stood twirling your hair, bitting your lip, wondering if all of college would be like this. it started with that tiny bit of confedence you got. started when you stood up straighter. before it ends, and it will end, there was countless walks to class, your hands deep in your pockets, music flowing into your ears as you avoided eye contact with other students. maybe you were an anti-social homeschool child. it started with all of those summer days spent with friends. tubbing down the river, laughing so hard you couldn't breathe. it started with the first time you saw your older sister cry and tried to imagine how love could be anything but detremental to the soul. it started with that fight you had with your parents about politics, the anger you felt at not being understood. maybe you didn't understand after all. it started with fittings, fashion shows and photo shoots. it started with staying up late sewing while your roomate tried not to hear the hum of the sewing machine. you watched late night tv alot. it started with your first bible study. the adult you found yourself becoming as you learned more about your God, your faith. as you learned that it was your own and not your parents faith that dwelled within you. it started when you talked to him for the first time. his voice was higher than you remembered. the first time you saw him walking up the sidewalk, his hands deep in his pockets. he was so hot. you couldn't believe why he was interested in you. it started when you saw him take that deep breath as he came closer. he was so nervous. it started with that first smile. the way you jumped into his arms and the way that he caught you, swinging you around so you felt like kid again. it was the way that his heart beat, so fast, as you laid your head on his chest. finally. finally.
and now it ends. one week until it ends. one week until it begins.
-bekah

such a lazy girl...

oh dear. i am sorry dear blog, i haven't updated you in such a very long time. then again i suppose i'm not really a lazy girl... just a lazy blogger. life has been filled, filled, filled to the brim with packing and sewing, running and planning, crying and fighting, laughing and tanning. i am getting married in two weeks. i have packed 7 boxes of my life and have drunken so many cups of tea on the porch, trying to soak up these last few weeks at home. caleb is leaving tomorrow morning, driving 2,100 miles in his explorer filled with wine to see me. to marry me.

little heart. so filled. so empty. needy and strong. i want to marry him. i want to move away and start our lives together. but i hate leaving people. i hate hurting people by moving to far away land which is also known as california. i know i have to, i just wish it didn't hurt so much.

pictures are of... flowers, because they make me happy.lots of wooden a's i'm going to paint and use in the decor. my wedding shoes. my wedding necklace made by my talented little sisters. and finally flower girl dresses for cat and alya that i recently finished.

i'll try to update more often.
bek

engagement pictures...

oh how i love this boy! pictures by www.sidleystudios.com

one week.

busy week in california. we bought caleb's ring. looked at lots of little apartments while it rained like it only can in the central valley in the spring. we got engagement pictures taken in san francisco. we went to movie. i tanned. i had my first bridal shower and wrote thank you notes. caleb worked. i made playlists for the wedding while listening to harry potter and drinking tea. we went out to eat. we read together. i cried as i realized i'm leaving wisconsin while caleb held me and stroked my hair. we worked out three times and went running twice. i beat him sprinting the last few blocks and the next time he beat me. we kissed and fought. it's been a good week. i am going home on thursday and will not see him until the 25th of may, 10 days before the wedding. breathe.

i feel like i should have more to say because i've had to much to think about, but these keys feel like strangers under my fingers and my head feels blank.

maybe tomorrow.

bekah

the next version...

and then life sweeps you up into its arms and you are so busy you almost forget to drink your tea.
deep breath.
it has been too long since i've taken the time to write. funny to think in busy london i somehow found the time to write either here or in a notebook every few days. entries about love and school, fashion and travel. now i am home in green wisconsin, surrounded by my family and friends and a two page "To Do" list that i will, will, WILL have finished before june 5th! damnit!
june 5th. 7 weeks. 49 days.
and then it all changes. and then i become the next version, move onto the next place and begin my new adventure with my hot best friend at my side. smile. i am getting married.
so surreal.
one day you are playing run away from the orphanage, then you are drooling over your current crush, then you are applying for colleges, finding your own voice and soon you stop. look in the mirror and realize this is it. it has begun. the beginning of the rest of it all.
sometimes i get sad. i get worried that i am somehow killing some part of myself with the words "i do", that she will be dead and gone. sad. i like that bekah. the crazy, traveler bekah who doesn't need anyone's second opinion because she is so sure of her own. but wait. i'm not killing her, she is just growing, and changing and obtaining a new companion. one who happens to know and love all versions of her no matter how feminist that one certain part of her is (oh ani!). this new companain who has chosen to love and care for me, who has been doing so for quite some time now. oh how i love him!
and then....
mrs. adams.
so happy to go forward yet so content and greatful for these few weeks left. i need to smell the cool spring a bit longer, and have random picnics in the barn with my little sisters. i need to run up and down these gravel hills a few more times with my dear friends before i go run the flat sunny pavement with him. happy. anxious. in love.
currently wearing: long sleeve thermal, sweats and thick, thick socks.
-bek

two days ago...

weekend trip to san francisco


finally together.


sunshine state.



i love this boy...

oh life. now i am at home... the farm... parents house... so confusing. england. california. wisconsin. friends. family. caleb. so many places my little heart wants to be. i feel splintered.

time for hot coco.
bek

two weeks ago...

in the countryside in wales...


visiting temby


drinking tea by the thames. something i've wanted to do since i was little.


molly and i in hyde park

on the bench was written "rest with your books and dreams and savor london".

oh england. i miss you.